In this video you will learn:

* All about resilience
* What being resilient doesn’t mean
* Signs of those people who struggle with low resilience
* What resilient people understand
* Why being resilient is so important
* 5 practical ways to build your resilience that you can begin today

References from the video:

CLICK HERE to Learn the FIRST Essential Step To Making a Change In Your Life

View the Self-Compassion episode HERE

View the Accepting the Here and Now episode HERE

Download Your Resilence ToolBox PDF HERE


TRANSCRIPT: How To Be Resilient

Hello and welcome.  My name is Lori Lander founder of Lori Lander Coaching and also the founder of a 501c3 nonprofit called Girls in the Know. Through my coaching, I help women who may be feeling disconnected, unfulfilled, or stuck in life create an exciting new chapter filled with passion, purposeful work, meaningful relationships and connections with a like-minded tribe.       

I also want to mention that if you’re wanting to make a change in your life and you’re not quite sure how to begin or what your first step should be…CLICK on the link below this video to receive a free and short mini-training video that explains The First Essential Step To Make a Change In Your Life that also comes with a download for you so you can begin now taking this first step to making a change..so make sure and click on the link below to receive this free mini-training. You can also go straight to my website to get the mini-training at LoriLanderCoaching.com

So today I want to talk about what I believe to be a very important topic and one that I feel everyone needs to work on and that is resilience.

Have you ever wondered why some people are able to remain calm in the face of adversity while others become overwhelmed or come completely unraveled?

I know I have thought about this plenty!

Those who are able to maintain their composure have what psychologists refer to as resilience which is the ability to cope with setbacks and recover more quickly from a difficult time or situation in life with less stress than someone who has very little resilience. When you are resilient you’re able to find the strength from within you to tackle issues as they arise, overcome adversity, and then carry on with your life.

Now resilience doesn’t mean that you don’t feel the seriousness or the severity of the issue, and resilience doesn’t eliminate stress altogether but having resilience does mean that you have found a more positive way to respond to the situation and it means that you are able to bounce back more quickly and carry on. 

So when you have resilience and are faced with a failure, a traumatic event, an accident, the death of a loved one,  you name it,   you are able to view the challenge as a part of life without it completely derailing you and having you feel like you are a victim. 

Resilient people not only understand that setbacks happen and that this is all a part of life, but they also understand that there will be pain and suffering involved.  They still experience the pain, the grief, the loss that may come with a traumatic event or circumstance, but they are able to work through their feelings and emotions and have the strategies and the tools in their toolbox that are necessary to respond in a way that helps them to recover and bounce back rather than being taken down completely with the tragedy.

Those who struggle with having low resilience tend to feel overwhelmed after disappointments or failures. They may dwell on the circumstance and cope by using destructive, unhealthy, or dangerous behaviors.  And these behaviors may then cause them to recover more slowly from the setback and also cause them to feel even more stress and pain as a result. 

I also want to touch on why being resilient is so important. Researchers have found that those who are resilient, have less absences from work and school due to illness, are at a reduced risk of engaging in excessive behaviors such as smoking, drinking, and drugs; have a lower rate of mortality and are physically healthier overall. 

So here is the good news. If you are feeling as though you need to work on becoming more resilient… you can learn how to improve your resilience, regardless of your age. Most importantly you must first realize that this is an area of your life that you would like to work on and then commit to taking the steps necessary to become more resilient. Simply understanding and believing that you can become more resilient is the first step. 

So now let’s dive into the how. I want to talk about how you can become more resilient with small changes. And you can begin by first focusing on how you would like to respond to any given situation moving forward. 

Ask yourself this question?

Would you like to respond by flying off the handle when something unexpected happens and allow yourself to be taken down the rabbit hole that may lead you on a path for days, weeks or months of negativity and victim mentality???   OR would you prefer to respond in a way that may be much more proactive and may not only help you in the recovery process but may also help others too?

What are your thoughts?  

I vote for responding in a more proactive way because I have been down the other road quite a few times in my life and I have realized that choosing to respond in a reactive way has not served me well. 

So if you have decided that you are ready to learn and implement ways to strengthen your resilience I have ways that I would like to share with you now that has helped me and many others strengthen our resilience.

First, you want to learn how to be more adaptable to life-changing situations. You have two choices when something traumatic happens…you can either continue to live in the past and in denial of the current circumstance or you can work on adapting to the situation and taking small steps forward as you accept your current reality.  This can be tough for many. But the more you resist your current reality, the harder it will be to take small steps forward.

I talk a lot about accepting your current reality in one of my previous youtube episodes so feel free to watch that episode at lorilandercoaching.com/hereandnow and I  have put a link to this video for your convenience in the notes below.  I also have an exercise that goes with the video that walks you through a 4 step process called Accepting the Here and Now. This video is related to how memories from your past can hold you back but I believe that you can pull some golden nuggets of information from there to apply to adapt to life-changing situations which will help strengthen your resilience.

Second, I recommend changing the narrative. You can do this by focusing on what you can do about the current situation and letting go of what you have no control over. Your mindset plays a role in this shift. Carol Dweck a professor of psychology at Stanford and  author of  the bestselling book Mindset  wrote that “Small shifts in mindset can trigger a cascade of changes so profound that they test the limits of what seems possible.” So I challenge you to challenge yourself by changing the narrative about the circumstance or event to help you move out of a potentially negative spiral and into a more positive and productive mindset which will help strengthen your resilience. 

Third, practice self-compassion…  I talk about this a lot and  I feel that this is a really important part of resilience. When something traumatic happens it is important that you not only offer compassion to others who may be affected but also take the necessary time to offer love, comfort, and lots of TLC to yourself. I believe that practicing self-compassion especially in the middle of a crisis or life-changing situation is vital and a huge part of resilience.

I have another episode where I talk more in-depth about the importance of practicing self-compassion at lorilandercoaching.com/self-compassion and I’ll also provide a link in the notes section below this video. 

Fourth, ensure you have a strong support system in place that you can connect with especially in times of need. Reaching out to a family member, a friend, or a professional helps a great deal with resilience. Having someone to talk with and connect with about how you are feeling is really important. It’s really hard to go through a difficult time alone and you’ll find that having someone there for you to listen and lean on helps you in feeling less alone and also helps you to work through your challenges and get back on track.

Fifth, you want to take appropriate action. When you wait for a problem to go away it only prolongs the already negative situation. Instead, see if you can help in any way and if so, focus on either resolving the issue or see what you can do to help alleviate the stress and the pain involved. Taking action involves taking the steps necessary to help the situation.  This helps reduce feelings of discouragement and allows you to feel more in control.

So a quick review of the 5 ways that you can increase your resilience is to:

First, learn how to be more adaptable to life-changing situations
Second Change the narrative around the circumstance.
Third practice self-compassion
Fourth have a strong support system in place and
Fifth take action if appropriate.

You can begin today building your resilience muscle by implementing these strategies. Even trying one of them may help you build your resilience. I’ve also included a resilience toolbox exercise for you to download below this video. This exercise will help you create your own resilience toolbox so you will have the tools and strategies available when you need them. 

I also want to remind you to click on the link below to learn the First Essential Step To Make A Change in Your Life or you can simply go to LoriLanderCoaching.com and click on the link at the top of the page.

Thank you so much for watching and I look forward to seeing you back here next week.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead!


References from the video:

CLICK HERE to Learn the FIRST Essential Step To Making a Change In Your Life

View the Self-Compassion episode HERE

View the Accepting the Here and Now episode HERE

Download Your Resilence ToolBox PDF HERE



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