Have You Ever Lost Yourself

In this episode you will learn:

• How I lost myself (and how you may be able to relate)
• A powerful mindset shift that changed my life and one that anyone can do
• One thing you must train yourself to do every day (that involves having fun!)
• How getting strategic and creative with your exercise routine can dramatically help you
• Why a daily routine, no matter how small, can help you gain momentum
• And so much more….

Transcript: Have You Ever Lost Yourself?

Hello and welcome.  My name is Lori Lander founder of Lori Lander Coaching and also the founder of a 501c3 nonprofit called Girls in the Know. Through my coaching, I help women who may be feeling disconnected, unfulfilled or stuck in life create an exciting new chapter filled with passion, purposeful work, meaningful relationships, and connections with a like-minded tribe. 

I also want to mention that if you are wanting to make a change in your life and are not quite sure how to begin or what your first step should be…CLICK on the link below this video to receive a free and short mini-training video that explains The First Essential Step To Make a Change In Your Life..so make sure and click on the link below to receive this free mini-training. You can also go straight to my website to get the mini-training at Lori Lander Coaching.com. 

So today we are going to be talking all about 5 things that you can do beginning today to help you find yourself.

In this episode you will learn:

• How I lost myself ( and how you may be able to relate)
• A powerful mindset shift that changed my life and one that anyone can do
• One thing you must train yourself to do every day
• How getting strategic and creative with your exercise routine can dramatically help you
• Why a daily routine, no matter how small, can help you gain momentum
• And so much more….

So let me begin by asking you this question. 

Have you ever lost yourself?

I can honestly say that I have…

I want to share a story with you that may help you understand why  I am so passionate about this topic.  My dream in life was to be a successful entrepreneur, get married, have children, and live happily ever after.

Before I had children I had imagined myself working and raising my children.

But when I got pregnant with my second child, I had to let go of this dream. My morning sickness was so extreme that I had to quit working.  

So I sold my business to a colleague and became a full-time stay at home mom.

This was really hard on me at first. 

I felt that I had to redefine what my purpose was in life since  I had identified myself as an entrepreneur and a business owner. 

I had grown my business from the ground up and had to come to the realization that it was time for me to let it go and also I had to let go of my dream of working while raising my children. 

I then had a third daughter and poured my entire heart and soul into parenting my three beautiful daughters…raising my daughters alongside my husband became my soul purpose in life (anyone that knows me will tell you that I pretty much pour my heart and soul into anything,or anyone, I love and am passionate about…)

But, What I did not realize at the time was that the more I poured my heart and soul into my children, the less I focused on myself.  

And eventually, I had completely lost myself…

I did not become aware of this until my daughters began to get older and my role as “mom” began to shift. 

I had identified as a stay at home mom for over 15 years….and began to wonder…  “now what???”

I felt completely disconnected from myself and had to dig deep to rediscover “me”. 

I had to rediscover who I was at my core, what I wanted for my future, and what my new purpose in life was going to be.

So I began to shift some of my focus in my life onto myself. This was a powerful mindset shift for me that truly changed my life. This mindset shift felt a bit odd to me ( and to be honest I felt as though I was being selfish…)   I was sooo used to focusing on everyone else… that it almost felt foreign to me to simply focus on me…. 

But I moved forward on my quest to find myself again by shifting some of my focus in life onto myself and I would love to share with you how I did it in the hopes that this information may help you on your own personal journey. 

So let’s dive into the 5 ways to help you find yourself:

Let’s begin with talking about practicing daily joy. 

I cannot say this enough. We all must train ourselves to do at least one thing per day that brings us joy. This may sound like a no-brainer but you would be surprised at the number of people who do not do what truly brings them joy. I know this because I used to be one of those people.   Although I knew that I was not doing what brought me personal joy, I was stuck in my daily routine of doing for everyone else and putting myself and my wants on the backburner.  It can be easy to revert to old daily routines that no longer serve us just because it is simple and easy. Making any change takes a bit of effort, and once we allow ourselves to find the joy, it becomes a lot easier to incorporate daily joy into our lives. 

We must break out of old routines and challenge ourselves to practice daily joy.  I have an entire episode where I talk about the importance of Daily Joy and how to go about rediscovering your joy so feel free to watch that episode at lorilandercoaching.com/joy. I will also put a link to the video in the notes section below.   

Now the next way to help you rediscover yourself is to incorporate exercise strategically or what I like to refer to as creatively into your life. You may be wondering how exercising is going to help you find yourself… so bare with me. I am certain that you have heard countless times how important exercise is for you. 

So I am not going to go off on a tangent about the physical importance of exercise in this episode. What I am going to help you realize is that exercise is not a one size fits all activity and looks different for everyone, but when you begin to incorporate exercise into your daily routine, you may notice how much better you will feel not only physically but also emotionally. 

As you may know, when you exercise, the pituitary gland releases tiny chemicals in the brain called endorphins or what I like to refer to as feel good or happy chemicals,  that relieve stress and pain and elicit feelings of euphoria and overall well-being. 

When you are feeling better about yourself, it is much easier to shift to a more positive mindset which then allows your mind to be open to new possibilities and to focus on becoming the best version of yourself. 

I want to take a moment to share with you a quick story to help explain how I incorporated exercise back into my life after years of being a couch potato.   

I was a personal trainer for many years and after I sold my training business,  I completely stopped exercising when my daughters were young. I had put everyone else’s schedules first and foremost which left me with little to no time for myself. I completely let go of the idea of fitting exercise into my schedule and after a while, I had lost all motivation to exercise. 

 I realized that I could no longer exercise when I had in the past and rather than adjust my schedule to fit it in, I just gave it up altogether. When I stopped exercising, I noticed that not only did I feel worse physically, but I realized that my emotional well-being was also suffering.  I knew I needed to make a change so I let go of how I used to exercise since I knew that would no longer work for me and  I also let go of the “shoulds” and the “have to’s” and began thinking about what I enjoyed doing when I exercised. So I began scheduling short walks outside with my earbuds, something that I have always enjoyed doing. But here is where I needed to get creative. Years ago I could walk for hours and listen to music and love every second. Now, that no longer worked for me. 

I realized that I had to think of something that brought me joy while walking to take my mind off of the walking.  I then realized that I  loved to listen to audible books. This was the answer!  As long as I have an audible book to listen to,  I will walk. Now I look forward to walking because this is when I can listen to my book. You see how I had to rethink my whole exercising strategy in order to get me excited about doing it.  

So I challenge you to think outside of the box and find a way to exercise that is meaningful to you.  

First, think about the kind of exercise you would like to try. Maybe it is walking, maybe it is cycling or maybe it is doing an exercise video from Youtube… Then go one step further.  

If you feel you need a bit more motivation while you are exercising, tie it with something that you enjoy doing… is it your favorite song list? Is it listening to an audible book like me? 

Or maybe it is simply peace and quiet in a dimly lit room, and that is what you love.  Figure out what brings you joy and will help motivate you when you go to exercise. Once you figure this out, you are well on your way to incorporating exercise back into your routine.

The third way that may help you rediscover yourself is practicing meditation. And I want to begin by being transparent in telling you that I was extremely critical of even the thought of meditation years ago.  I used to say that I am not that kind of person or that meditation does not work for someone like me. Well…was I wrong.  

About 4 years ago I was introduced to the idea by a colleague who was battling with anxiety and at that time I was having some anxiety as well.  I asked her how she was coping and she told me about an app that has guided meditations.  She told me that it changed her life drastically when she began practicing and it helped her a great deal in keeping her centered especially when she felt anxiety coming on.  So I decided to give it a try as a favor to her. 

At first, I have to admit I felt a bit silly sitting there with my eyes closed listening to my breathing as the woman’s voice on the app told me to settle into the moment, clear my mind and focus on my breathing. Then I began to notice a few minutes into the 10-minute meditation that my muscles became less tense and my anxiety began to lessen. At the end of the 10 minutes, I actually did not want the session to end. 

I was deeply relaxed and felt as though my mind was clear. I felt a connection to myself, something that I had not felt in a long time. This was a game-changer for me.  Meditation allows you the space to practice mindfulness which is simply being in the here and now with your thoughts and observing them without any judgement. It is about being fully engaged in the moment with a goal of achieving a calm state of mind which helps in allowing the opportunity to go inward and gain meaningful insight about yourself.

A fourth way to help you find yourself again is to adopt an attitude of daily gratitude or what I like to refer to as acknowledging the goodness in your life, rather than focusing on what is lacking in your life. I find that when I shift my focus on to what I am grateful for, more good tends to come into my life. 

Research studies have found that practicing gratitude regularly can improve your psychological health by increasing happiness, self- esteem, and overall well-being. I recommend writing down  3 to 5 people, places, things or even wonderful memories that you are grateful for right before you go to bed every night. I actually set a recurring reminder in my phone to help me remember and then I type in my 3 things in the notes section of my phone. 

This way I can refer back to them at any time I am needing a little reminder of all that I am grateful for.   I also find that when I think about what I am grateful for right before I go to bed,   I tend to sleep better. And as with anything in life, the more you practice, the easier it becomes. 

Now the fifth and final way to help yourself is to begin an easy and enjoyable daily routine that encompasses the other 4 ways that were just discussed. Having a daily routine will actually simplify your life by providing you with structure that especially helps on those days when you may feel less than motivated to even get out of bed. 

Creating an easy and enjoyable routine helps take the guesswork out of your day and also helps you build habits to carry you forward. But it is super important that you create a routine that suits you and your lifestyle and allows you to live each day as the best version of yourself. You also want to ensure that it is realistic for you and feels right. 

There is a great quote by Aristotle that says: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”

In the notes below, I have attached a  printable titled “ My Easy and Enjoyable Daily Routine” for you to help get you started with planning your routine for the day. Remember when you are filling it out that you ensure that you are being realistic with your expectations and of course ensure that you make your routine enjoyable and something that you will look forward to doing.

So to recap the 5 ways that can help you find yourself when you are feeling lost is first to practice daily joy, second to plan your exercise strategically and get creative so you look forward to doing it, third is to find a meditation practice that works for you and that you enjoy, fourth practice gratitude daily and fifth ensure that you create an easy and enjoyable routine that suits you and your lifestyle.

And a quick reminder to ensure you print out the PDF titled  “My Easy and Enjoyable Daily Routine” so you can begin today.

Oh and ….Feel free to comment below and share what your biggest takeaway is from this episode!

Thanks so much for watching today. Wishing you a wonderful week ahead and I look forward to sharing more with you next week. 

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