In this episode you will learn:


  • How certain memories from your past can actually hold you back.
  • One of the most powerful practices that can help you embrace the here and now. 
  • A simple 4-step process you can begin doing now to help you shift your thoughts about your memories when you feel you are going down a rabbit hole. 


Transcript: Accepting the Here and Now

 Hello and welcome.  My name is Lori Lander founder of Lori Lander Coaching and also the founder of a 501c3 nonprofit called Girls in the Know. Through my coaching, I help women who may be feeling disconnected, unfulfilled or stuck in life create an exciting new chapter filled with passion, purposeful work, meaningful relationships, and connections with a like-minded tribe. 

I also want to mention that if you are wanting to make a change in your life and are not quite sure how to begin or what your first step should be…CLICK on the link below this video to receive a free and short mini-training video that explains The First Essential Step To Make A Change In Your make sure and click on the link below to receive this free mini-training. You can also go straight to my website to get the mini-training at Lori Lander

So today we are going to be talking all about Accepting the here and now and  in this episode, you will learn:

  • How certain memories from your past can actually hold you back.
  • One of the most powerful practices that can help you embrace the here and now. 
  • A simple 4-step process you can begin doing now to help you shift your thoughts about your memories when you feel you are going down a rabbit hole.

Let’s begin by talking about how common it is for people to not only reminisce about memories from the past but to actually get stuck in memories of the past. We often get stuck in our past of how things used to be by ruminating over what once was. This can lead to feeling as though you are living each day focused on what happened in your past.  

Living your life through thoughts, feelings, and emotions of what used to be can place you in a holding pattern and can cause you to feel stuck.  And when you feel stuck, it can be very difficult to move forward and make positive changes in your life. Realizing that this is your current reality, right here, right now, and practicing acceptance daily can be challenging at first but it is necessary in order to move you from living in your past to Living your life in the here and now.

Acceptance is one of the most powerful and transformative practices that can help you embrace your current reality.  Living in the present is freeing and it allows you to take the next step into your future.

For me personally, I struggled with the reality that my children were becoming adults and needing me in different ways then they used to. My entire role as a mom shifted and frankly, it knocked the wind out of me. For quite a while I was living in my past without even realizing it.

I was longing for the role I once played as the soccer mom, driving carpools as the kids sang and laughed, sleepovers, and lots of engagement with preschool and elementary school teachers, staff, and other moms.   

When my youngest daughter entered high school I came to the harsh realization that those days were over.  One minute I’m a mom of 3 young girls who relied on me for everything, and in what felt like an instant,  they all became self-sufficient and needed me much less than they used to.  

It really hit me hard that those days were gone.  I fell into a slump for quite a while trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I could not get those times back and I longed to be the mom of three young girls again.   

I felt stuck and it was really hard on me. 

I began to realize that these memories, although so special, were holding me back.

I also realized that I needed to begin to embrace my current reality.

I no longer had young, dependent girls.  I now had 3 daughters who were becoming independent, and self -sufficient. When I thought about it more I also realized that my hope when they were young was that they would become independent and self-sufficient. My hopes and dreams had now become a reality that I was not quite prepared for. 

I began to shift my thoughts as I learned to accept the here and now and recognize how much I have to be grateful for.  

When I think about the memories of carpooling my oldest daughter, rather than viewing these memories as something I’ll never be able to do again, I remind myself to be grateful that I had that precious time in my life and I’ll always have the wonderful memories.  

I then think about my oldest daughter now and how she has become a young adult who is navigating her way through life with confidence and excitement for what the future holds for her. 

I realized it was time for me to embrace the present and practice gratitude daily for all the good I have in my life now.  This has become a daily practice for me.   

When I begin to think about memories of my past and the role I once played as mom, rather than having those feelings of angst, sadness, and grief over what was, I am now able to view those memories with gratitude and then shift to what I’m currently grateful for.  

So today, I challenge you to embrace your current reality.

Now I want to share with you an effective four-step process that I created that has helped me accept and embrace the here and now and one that I teach my clients.  

Attached below this video is a pdf of the 4 step process for you to do so if you want to put this video on pause and open up the document in the notes below, you can follow along as we go through this exercise together. Are you ready?  In the first column, list the wonderful memories that you have, that may be keeping you stuck in your past.   So for example,  my memory that used to hold me back was that I loved carpooling my kids when they were younger and I longed to go back in time.  

Then go to the second column and write down your current reality related to that situation. Whatever may come up for you. There is no right or wrong here. Allow yourself to simply write down what your current reality is related to your memory from the past. So in the second column, I wrote that all 3 of my daughters now have their driver’s license and they drive themselves. This is my current reality.  

In the third column write down how you can shift your memory into a positive and express gratitude in the here and now.  What you are doing here is connecting what once was to what is now. You are shifting your mindset and your thoughts about your memory into a positive and learning how to embrace your current reality. 

In the third column, I wrote that I’m grateful that my daughters all have their driver’s license and are able to drive themselves and exercise their independence. This is what I have truly always wanted for my daughters, for them to be independent. 

So I shifted my thought patterns and came to the realization that my dream for my daughters was for them to be independent. I had to work through my thoughts and come to the realization that by wishing I could be back carpooling my daughters would mean that I would be holding them back from being independent. 

When I came to this realization, I was able to let go of wanting to go back and I was able to embrace the present.  This shift has been life-changing for me. 

This shift also allows me to be able to let go of the yearning of wanting things to be as they once were and helps me to embrace and accept the here and now, exactly as it is.  

Now in the fourth column, this is where we tie it all together with a positive affirmation. Positive affirmations are simply positive statements that you say to yourself that help empower you.  So my positive affirmation that I use when the memories of carpooling my daughters’ surfaces is,  “I have raised independent daughters who I am very proud of”. So I have completely flipped the initial thought about my memory of wanting to go back to carpooling my daughters, that used to hold me back, into a positive affirmation that allows me to have positive thoughts about the memory and be grateful for my current reality. 

This then frees me and enables me to live in the now with love and acceptance. So every time I think about that memory I have now trained myself to immediately think about my positive affirmation that ” I have raised independent daughters who I am very proud of”. 

I also have a video where I talk more in-depth about positive affirmations at and I will put the link to the video in the notes below.           

So my challenge for you today is to begin to embrace your current reality.  Think of one or two memories you may be having that may be keeping you stuck in the past. As you learn how to do this and practice this regularly, it will become easier for you to apply moving forward and help you live in the present.

This four-step process has been a game-changer for me in my life and I truly hope that you take the time to do this exercise.  

I would also love to hear from you to find out how this exercise has helped you. Feel free to email me at Lori @ or you can simply provide a comment in the section below this video.  

Thank you so much for tuning in today.  Wishing you a wonderful week ahead! 

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